The AARP Serves My Interests

I don't understand the controversy over "privatizing" Social Security. My passionate defenders in the AARP tell me that it's bad and I will eat dog food and other old people if Social Security is privatized. It turns out that Social Security will be fine until decades after I shuffle off this mortal coil (fingers crossed!). Even though the geniuses of the Roosevelt Administration mis-accounted for the possiblity that fertility and mortality rates could change sometime after the very moment the program was brought into existence (there was talk of starting again at year 0000 and declaring a new age of humanity, but money was tight in the 30's and the calendars were already printed), for some reason these young people think there are "flaws" or "shortcomings" in a plan that gives me money for free.

As you can imagine, I intend to fight alongside the AARP until my next medication time. These young people these days have no appreciation for the older generations that intend to bleed them dry for no better reason than we threw a token amount of money at the government and lived past 65. Sure, they may do crazy things like plan for retirement, or save up money, or their companies may have a pension plan, but what if something bad happens with their plans?

For example, what if there comes a time when there are more people pulling out of these pension plans than are putting in? And what if people start living longer after retirement? Has anyone considered that? Sure, I guess people can try planning around that, too, or change how pension plans work in anticipation of this. Maybe they could put some of that money to work such that a reasonable risk is taken and a series of modest returns expand the amount of money available?

Whatever. I bow to AARP's superior education tactics.

Proof of the dangers of new technology

"A horse pulling a carriage downtown Friday evening was apparently spooked and flipped the carriage with a family of five inside."

You know, ever since they stopped using dredges and sleds in favor of "wheels", I've been warning people that something like this could happen. Being incredibly old, I can not see a single reason why we would combine the speed of a horse with the instability and raw rolling power of wheels on an axle. It is simply beyond me.

Also, I suspect these people were traveling at greater than 4 miles (per the new measuring system) per hour, which is unsafe regardless.

Well, that was odd

I completely forgot what I was writing about. I seem to have nodded off for several hours. While I was asleep, I dreamed that a cockroach crawled up the wall, all the way across the ceiling, and then fell on my dessicated chest.

Wintering!

Well, it was a good Thanksgiving, in case you're wondering. I am unable to eat most traditional Thanksgiving food, but my carefully metered portion of spinach was as delicious as I can hope for in my remaining days. I am aware that spinach is not a traditional Thanksgiving food, but it's as close as I'll ever see.

I spent the past week driving the 150 miles down to the Texas coast. I counted 47 stops for medications, food, going to the bathroom, going to the bathroom a few minutes later, and no fewer than 3 overnight stays in RV parks. I'm sure it seems odd that a person that is unable to compare the number of items in my grocery cart to the number of items necessary to qualify for the express lane at the grocery store is able to so precisely recount a comparatively large number like 47. I assure you it's not odd at all. You see, what you've got to understand is